my COOL LADY DENTIST just took a break to show me photos of what she’s doing to my tooth and it turns out dentists are totally artists???? half my face is numb but I sure hope she thinks the other half is cute because I’ve DEFINITELY got a crush. marry me cool lady dentist.

once in a movie theater in iowa i shouted at robbie to “stand closer to the poster so i can take a photo of you with justin bieber” and it has long since been known as The Worst Thing I Have Ever Said, but i’d like to offer a new competitor as of this afternoon:

"nah, I’m not intimidated by the President anymore."


Real grapes, roasted until they’re basically candy, then added to the bitter green salad of your choice. Welcome, Fall.

Actual meal pictured for the benefit of disbelieving Zaretsky’s who will not be named. (BLT, kale salad, roasted tomato soup for Monday with Gina)

Tonight I apologized to a cashier at Target for making her scan the bag of candy corn I’d already started eating because “it’s 10 pm and I’m an asshole, you know?” but like, this is also a way a person can deal with Monday, I SUPPOSE.

Anonymous asked: how do you pick what book you want to read next

so i spend enough time talking about books out loud that people recommend books to me pretty regularly, and most of those people are very thoughtful and good at this. but! i also endorse spending time on goodreads, my ACTUAL FAVORITE SOCIAL NETWORK. goodreads is where i check to see what sam is reading so i can put it on my list and i have an excuse to talk to her. 

as far as which specific book, it’s a very nuanced science based on the weather and how many times i’ve cried that week. this morning i finally got past the tenth page of a discovery of witches and tomorrow i’ll inevitably start reading something else simultaneously based solely on the fact that it’ll be warm out and i’ll be cranky. probably dorothy parker.


is there any life like the one you live on sundays? you could string sundays together and get the whole of a person’s dreams. sundays i sleep too late and eat something bright for breakfast — a yolky egg, some blueberries, lox. walk to the store instead of taking the train just because i’ve got the time to move my body in the day. remember i too am an animal on this planet. the light in the kitchen windows is softer, slower, still fades before you’re ready. i don’t remember the luxury of that runny egg but at the other end of the day i’m going to take a bath just for the sake of scent. something is going to make me cry but because i saw the sun today it will be the good kind, not creaky but gentle. not desperate, but honest.

there are things i still want, maybe more than ever, but it’s not time, yet, it’s okay, let the water run until it’s hot, put on some jazz but change your mind at the last minute and indulge in a pop song on repeat, it’s sunday evening and the living is hard but it’s never been easier.

interests: smushing into the space between me and the computer no matter how uncomfortable, the dulcet tones of netflix, tuna

one of my favorite things about this planet circa early 21st century is that i can name multiple major television shows in which a plotline has been “woman eagerly begins dating jon hamm only to find out he’s an unfunny dweeb”

The light poured through the windows upon his photographs and the poem of us sitting together a last time. Robert dying: creating silence. Myself, destined to live, listening closely to a silence that would take a lifetime to express.

Patti Smith, Just Kids

"Hello, one of everything, please." (at Metro Mutts)


    “Never have I ever,” I said, and I thought about what came next: never have I ever masturbated at work or been taped having sex - something Adam was keen on. The thing about the game was that we all wanted to say things that we had done, things we desperately needed to reveal to others, to shock and surprise and impress. Every statement had a story behind it, something people were waiting to confess.
    Adam nudged me gently on the shoulder with his foot.
    “Never have I ever,” I began again, “been unfaithful to someone I love.”
    “Define unfaithful,” Adam said.
    “Define someone you love,” Paul said. […]
    “Use your own judgment,” I told them.
    And everyone drank. (100-101)

-Easy for You by Shannan Rouss

(via bookbroken)