January 2012
I just want you all to know,
and I mean this from the bottom of my feelings-y heart,
Archer was the best thing to happen to 2011 and will certainly be the best thing to happen to 2012
December 2011
“THIS GUY IS DEAF. I don’t know sign language, but I want to lick his face”
– Robbie and Anthony are trying to explain the intricacies of OKCupid to me but it’s quickly deteriorated to just
terribleness
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I made up a new drinking game
you go through the glee tag
and drink every time you see the word “offensive”
and then you are dead
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thenewhotness:
Kanye West // The New Workout...
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"I can be in the office by noon, I have some...
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“and then, children, your mother realized she totally had license to eat all of the food her roommates left behind.
“mom, you’re the coolest”
oh oh! let's do that meme where you give me a... →
charlotte-charles:
i’m not going to post it until i get a bunch of numbers then i’ll just do it in one giant post
DON’T BE SHY!
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO DO THIS
There were so many things I was planning on doing...
But then I realized my uterus had begun the process of expelling many ounces of blood (which is actually what’s happening! It’s like a horror movie IN MY BODY), so now I’m just gonna angrily walk the half mile to my apartment, take four Advil, order a pizza, and watch every episode of Archer while eating it in bed
because I am the future of America
other movies coming to a theater near you
We Bought a Mexican Drug Cartel
We Bought a Sbarro Franchise
We Bought an Abandoned Gap Kids Outlet Store
Friend's mom: So Liz, do you have a direction yet?
Liz: Like a sense of direction?
Friend's mom: I meant academically, you know, what you want to do
Liz: Oh, uh, no. Neither. I have none of those things. I don't even know which highway this is.
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you know that thing
where it’s the night before a hair appointment and you’re desperately googling pictures of your hair type to get an idea of what you would look like with much shorter hair even though you know you’d immediately regret it?
if you say no, you’re lying
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Internet, I made you this important mp3 of Julie...
and for my present to my mother, i finally got around to doing my eyebrows so she doesn’t have to look at that mess any longer
merry christmas, mom!!!!!
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“White people say [“It’s not fair, if white people can’t say n*gger, black people...”
– QUEERING THE GAME OF LIFE (via cocknbull)
“I miss the Spice Girls. You know? They made their dough, and I hope...”
– my father
watching Breaking Bad
is like
40% feeling unwarranted affection towards Jesse Pinkman
25% hating myself for not being better at chemistry
20% trying not to vomit
15% applauding what is happening on my screen
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honestly we should all applaud ye and jay for writing a song that’s insanely popular despite no one being able to speak the title aloud
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Anonymous asked: do you have thoughts on the hunger games?
"internet activism"
that’s it
that’s the joke
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And Judas Maccabeus said unto his people
“We shall celebrate this joyous occasion for eight days and eight nights, during which period your great aunt in Palm Springs will make her assistant in Chicago call you to facilitate a lighting of menorahs via Skype
And do not ever let Mel Gibson near my life story
Amen”
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Look, I know I cry a lot
but if you didn’t sob your way through the last fifteen minutes of Waiting for Superman then we are clearly functioning on very different levels
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“This is just one of the great tragedies of 2011. I mean the fewer dictators...”
– Newt Gingrich
“Breaking Bad is kind of like Weeds, but with better writing instead of comedy”
– my brother gets it
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